The Belated Christmas Interview

It may be late but I am at least meeting the demands of my readers.


1. Wrapping paper or gift bag? According to GMYH, I am "a sixty-eight-year-old woman named Agnes who smokes a pack of Vantage 100s a day and gives her grandkids bottles of Evan Williams eggnog for Christmas even though the oldest, Amber, is only seventeen?" Nevertheless, I use a mixture of wrapping paper and gift bags.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Currently, a fake fiber optic tree that is about 3 feet tall because my apartment has no room for a real tree.

3. When do you put up the tree? The day after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? The day after Christmas.

5. Do you like eggnog? Nope.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My cabbage patch kid, Seth (not Cohen).

7. Hardest person to buy for? Myself. I mean, a gift for you; a gift for me. It's hard to not buy myself the things I put on my Amazon list.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Myself. Who else knows what I want?

9. Do you have a nativity scene? No, not until my mom gives me the one we had from my childhood. Until then, my Christmas remains entirely secular and about presents alone.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? You bitches are not worth the 42 cents.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Anything pink my mother shoved on me as a child.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A tie between Christmas Vacation and Love, Actually.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? This question assumes I stop.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope. I just give the ugly stuff to the homeless.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Peppermint bark.

16. Lights on the tree? Duh.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "What Child Is This?"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Why? What's it to you?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither. I don't put actual ornaments on my fiber optic tree.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Depends on when my family gets together.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Those people who try to take the Christ out of Christmas. Who are these people? And, how can we get them to cut out Ann Coulter's tongue?

23. What theme or color are you using? I don't understand this question.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? If I don't have to cook it then it all tastes good.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A free trip to Europe. P.S. My dreams were dashed.

26. Favorite Christmas memory? I don't know that I have one of these. Hmmm.