On Death

I know I haven't been posting much lately. That's mostly due to the fact that my aunt died last week and I was busy helping my cousins settle things. I know I usually talk about silly things like television and books in this space but I need to vent.

It's strange that I am both happy and sad that my aunt is gone. I am happy because I know she's not in anymore pain. But it saddens me that things got to this point for a woman who was relatively young; she wasn't even 60 years old. The thing is all of this could have been prevented. There was no need for her to die in this manner. Maybe I should back up a bit. This story is a bit of a doozy but since my family has only known about it for a few weeks well we are still reeling a bit.

Almost four years ago my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. Unlike most women, she chose to not treat her cancer even though she caught it in the earliest of stages. She thought that her prayer and her faith in Jesus would heal her. Sigh. She also chose to not tell a single member of my family about her sickness. Not her kids, not her sisters, not a soul. We all noticed around October that she wasn't looking very healthy and she was clearly not using her left arm but when we directly asked her she denied being ill or sick at all. At Christmas one of my aunts predicted she would die before the next Christmas.

Fast forward to three weeks ago when my aunt was rushed to the hospital because she couldn't breathe. The breast cancer had spread into her lungs, liver, and spinal cord. She was on a respirator for the last three weeks of her life. Her kids rushed into town from Paris, France and Lawrence, KS to be by her side. They had to make terrible, awful decisions while battling almost crippling anger and sadness.

Last Wednesday, my aunt (amazingly enough she was lucid through all of this) chose to take herself off the respirator and a few hours later she died. I've never seen a person die before and I don't relish seeing someone die again. It's strange and humbling and sad.

Amazingly enough some good has come from this horrible experience. I've gotten closer to my cousins than I have been since we were kids. Sad that this is what it took to bring us together. And I now know exactly what my parents desires are should a similar situation befall them. I know where their will is and I know that I am co-executor with my oldest sister. These are things I didn't know three weeks ago. While these aren't the most pleasant conversations to have I urge you all to have these conversations with your parents so you don't end up like my cousins almost having to guess the wishes of a dying parent.

We are all getting older now, my friends. And we don't want to think about these issues at any age but they happen whether we want them to or not. So, my suggestions are this: tell people what you want and ask those who you will have to care for what they want. And for Yahweh's sake; get some damn chemo if you are diagnosed with cancer.